Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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