quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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