good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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