I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I wannas sexs uuuuu
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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