There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
