You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
