just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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