i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
