I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
