I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
