you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
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