I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
