the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
as a side note pls kill me
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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