Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
