dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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