My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
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BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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