the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
