i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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