The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
