like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
