you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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