she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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