doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
