I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
