Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
