the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize