god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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