when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
