Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
