Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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