I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
