yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
