If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
