The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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