My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
