Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
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Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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