Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
