____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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