i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
