I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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