you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
worst night to have a conscience
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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