Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
