I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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