His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
