you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
pop tarts are not kleenex
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize