I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
