i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
