I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
