btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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