are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
