I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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