I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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