One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
