3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
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I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
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I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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