maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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