My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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