I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
