If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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